// a lenten post//

Once when we were kids, my brother gave up chewy chocolate chip granola bars, because he loved them very much. It was a treasured school snack of his. Anyway, Pauliepants took the sacrifice so seriously that year that he never went back to them after lent. He just gave up chewy chocolate chip granola bars, for life. I’m not sure if it had anything to do with a religious awakening; he was nine. It was probably more that he realized that he didn’t really need chewy chocolate chip granola bars in his life anymore.

Around this time of year, I often think about how I’m such a bad Catholic. This is the year, I think every year. This is the year that I get my ashes and participate in lent, and don’t eat meat on Fridays, and go to Church every week. This is the year. But every year, it isn’t the year. It is difficult to reclaim a religious tradition when I feel outside of it. If Jesus gave up food and water for forty days, how could I possibly compare, especially as a non-believer? My dad’s cousin is a priest. At my uncle’s funeral a couple of weeks ago, he welcomed Catholics, former Catholics, recovering Catholics, and non-Catholics to the Mass. I guess I’m recovering?

Anyway the point is, I always feel a surge of Catholic guilt but there isn’t much I can do about it. That part of the Catholic sticks. So this lent, rather than giving up soda or alcohol or swearing, or trying to make excuses for why I decide to drink on a Friday night because it’s special, I’m just going to try to be a better person this lenten season. And in the spirit of nine-year-old Pauliepants, I want this one to carry over long after Easter Sunday.